i still don’t understand
tumblr.
Razzle Dazzle ‘Em
Can I just say I love my friend Molly? She’s so freaking hilarious. School would suck so much without her. I have Physical Science and English with her and all we do is make fun of things. (Mostly people, I’m sad to say. But, I mean, this kid asked Dr. Stoddard what “ok” meant…………………………………..REALLY!?!?!?!!!) There’s also a teacher’s assistant in that class who’s really nice and helpful but she wears the same green sweater every time we see her (and it totally smells)…and we have that class twice a week. I’m thinkin’ she wears it every day. Ew. This girl was actually in my German class last year. She’s homeschooled, enough said! Molly and I call her “Purple” because on the first day of class she came up to me and noticed I liked purple and went on and on about it. “You have a purple back pack, a purple pencil, even a purple bracelet! I even remember you having purple converse last year!” “…haha yup…” No. I don’t own purple converse. Dumbass. BUT ANYWAY. She should feel honored because “Purple” wasn’t always her nickname. Last year, I called her “Bedazzled” because instead of a green sweater, she wore BEDAZZLED JEANS EVERYDAY. They were hideous. I always wait for her to wear them to science, but she never does. :( SAD! I even texted Molly during class yesterday saying, “I’m surprised she hasn’t wore her bedazzled jeans yet!” except my phone changed “jeans” to “head” Hmmm “…hasn’t worn her bedazzled head yet!” HAHAHAHAHA. I didn’t notice it until Molly texted me back and I seriously almost cried laughing…during my professor’s lecture. AWKWARD. Everyone must seriously hate me in that class because all Molly and I do is laugh while class goes on. We also laugh at Dr. Stoddard’s jokes…HE’S FUNNY! But no one else laughs…so sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Ugh, Cute Tea Boy (CTB) must think I’m so obnoxious. I don’t care though. I’ll do anything to have fun during those damn lectures. All my prof talks about is math. GAH! But speaking of CTB…. I talked to him yesterday! Actually talked! Usually we just say “hey” to each other but yesteday I walked right up to him and was like, “So…what’s your name?” Ah he’s so cute! I really really hope he isn’t gay. I’ll cry. Alright, I have much more to say, but it’ll have to wait. I’m going shopping with Michelle and then the two of us are heading to Jen’s to play with her puppy and probably go play in the snow. <3
SLAP
math has kicked my butt this semester. i’ll finally be done with it tomorrow at 11:00! I’m so freaking excited. afterwards, i’m celebrating by going shopping with amy (i think.) i need to get a cute outfit for the third game night on friday. i’m sad cause it’s kaylee’s last time throwing a party in that apartment…she’s moving away from us. boo :( all i can say is it better be a night to remember…in a good way. haha. i’m alsoooo excited to see my msu friends who will be home from school. yay yay yay! and then in january i’m heading to disney world! ahhhh. so many exciting things happening this break! i cannot wait.
yeahhh
yeah! i can be annoyingly girly and deep. don’t judge. i just needed to vent!
and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
i don’t even know how to start, but everything needs to be said. i met you the summer of ‘07 and it was one of the best summers of my life. it’s hard to stay in touch with so many people, but we were able to keep in contact with each other. i don’t know why we stayed friends and no one else did. it must’ve been fate. everything happens for a reason, right? ha. the following summer you came home with me and it was our first time hanging out outside of camp. after that, we were basically inseparable. we always tried making up new plans of getting together. those were always such great weekends. i remember going to your house for the first time. meeting your friends at an awkward bonfire, running away from your mean cat, and getting a tour of such a tiny city. it was great, but the more we kept visiting each other, the closer we got with one another’s friends. i liked that. i liked that everyone knew who you were. and i talked about you often because you were literally one of my best friends. three years is a long time to know someone. and our situation was so unique. we were awesome at maintaining the “long distance relationship.” i have so many great memories with you. i remember forking your friend’s yard, meeting your first crush, eating apples with natural peanut butter, admiring the amazing ceiling in your bedroom, getting “married”, and going to church. the trip you took me on was life changing. although we went with a small group, i loved every minute of it. we became even closer. i remember the night we sat on a bench and you told me everything about your one imperfection and the self consciousness it gave you. i remember taking photos and trying to be creative. painting rooms and using the wrong kind of paint, so we almost killed ourselves. we found two homeless cats on that trip and we wanted to rescue them. we took silly pictures inside some of the places we stayed at because there were ridiculous things everywhere in the south. i also remember missing thanksgiving to have a true southern one and then i really understood the meaning of charity work. you taught me all of that. i remember christmas with your family. it was probably the best christmas of my life. my family never does anything for christmas…so to be with yours and see how your family celebrates was amazing. we stayed up late playing video games, got yelled at, went shopping around for pretzels, hung out with your cousins, ate tacos, it was fun! such a great time. and lastly, i remember graduation. my family came down to see you and it was such a fun little trip. we exchanged “love letters” and i’ll never forget it. i still have mine. but i remember we both said similar things: we’ve kept up the long distance thing this long, let’s not let college change it. let’s stay friends forever. i want you to be in my wedding.
i don’t think it will happen.
it brings me to tears thinking about all this. i don’t blame myself. i blame you. the talks became shorter. the phone calls lessened. i was put in an uncomfortable position and i don’t think you realize that. everything happens for a reason…maybe you were brought into my life to meet him. it was hard to see you with someone i knew, because the focus changed. and obviously that’s what happens with relationships, but there wasn’t a good balance. you never wanted to share anything with me. you didn’t want to tell me about the two of you. and that hurt me because best friends are suppose to tell each other everything. i was so confused with how closed off you were about it. and i didn’t like that i had to find out information through others. and then i was called names and no one stood up for me. and i didn’t make an effort because i didn’t think it was my place anymore. you have put me in an awkward position, what was i suppose to do? and so now i’m forgotten. i’m replaced. i don’t know how many times you’ve visited my home town, but probably quite a lot. and i don’t ever know about it. i don’t know how you are at all. literally. i have no idea. i don’t remember the last time we spoke. and i don’t want to try to contact you because i’m hurt. i’m terribly hurt. i was put on the back burner. and it didn’t matter. it didn’t matter one bit because you were happy. and that’s great. i’m so happy you’re happy. i just thought i’d be apart of that happiness. but i’ve come to terms with it all. i realize we’ll probably never be friends again. even if we are, there will always be a lingering awkwardness. i don’t think things could ever be the same. at least not while you’re with him. it sucks, to say the least… that a boy ended up being our downfall.
I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how
I’ve never heard silence quite this loud.
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up I can’t break through
dear tumblr
hey guys, i know i’m new to this whole tumblr thing but i’m going to actually start using it. i know i’ve said that a lot but…i actually mean it! yay! i was going to write my first real entry right now, but i can’t. i have to go see a math tutor. boo! :(
so ecstatic.
